intro to girls ministry. part 1

last night i had some of the girls in our youth group over to spend the night at my house. it's something i try to do once a year, but it's been a while and was long overdue.

long overdue because we had stuff we needed to talk about. by ourselves. without the other half of our group.

if you've been to girls night, then you know it's never 'just' a sleepover. i always have an agenda. the agenda?

talking. and lots of it.

if there's one thing i've learned about girls since i started in youth ministry 4 years ago, it's this:

macaroni & cheese and chocolate is all you need.

as soon as you walk in the door, there is no need to push conversation along. it just happens. and it happens in the best way. girls who need/want to tell each other about what's going on in their lives. in a safe environment. one with support. one with common problems. one with caring ears.

we talked a lot last night. we got into our issues. we held each other accountable. we listened.

i approach girls ministry knowing that girls need different things.

what my girls need is someone to intently listen to them. they don't need me to give advice or input to everything they have to say. they need me to listen to them and to acknowledge that i understand what they're talking about. about how they feel.

does this mean that i don't share Biblical truths with them when we're discussing life? absolutely not. they know first and foremost that i will always back up what i say with proof from God's word. but they also know that they can literally tell me ANYTHING and that, while i may react in a shocking way (because of how naive i still am), i will also talk through whatever it is with a willing heart.

the most dangerous thing i believe you can do in youth/girls ministry is to alienate and push youth away by being judgmental. is it necessary to teach them right from wrong? absolutely. but they have to be in your presence if you're going to teach them. and they have to trust you.

establish your relationship with them first. make sure they know Jesus is the center of your existence and that is exactly what they should be striving for as well. and then make sure they know just how reliable you are as a person.

this means the following:

- you walk your talk
- you're transparent
- you speak honesty and truth to them always. you can't expect them to be honest with you if you don't offer it first
- you love them unconditionally. and we know that love sometimes can be tough
- you give them sound Biblical advice. but you don't expect them to listen right away. (they're teenagers. did YOU listen to advice at that age? it may take some years)

it seems like girls ministry is pretty easy. it's not. establishing relationships and maintaining them is hard work. but it's rewarding work. because you're doing the Lord's work. and His work is pretty big.


part 2... coming soon.

my desire is burning like a million stars

this is something i wrote in response to a great article by don miller. it's this piece that showed me finally, that i needed to follow God's leading for the words He's placed on my heart. so it's the best place to start here. :o)


so, i should definitely share both sides of this story on men and women i started the other day.

here's the link to don miller's second post, what men need from women.

and here's a little something that i just want to say (since you've finished reading the post), that i am UBER passionate about. in fact, i could talk about this subject all day:

ladies.

you need to accept your own worth.

there is something terrible that i witness in teenage girls, sometimes beginning before that, and continuing through into adult life. it is the idea that they are only worth what their bodies look like, what they can offer a boy physically, what they can do to make someone else feel good.

this is heartbreaking for me.

i want every girl out there to understand just what her worth as a person is. it's not just to be someone's play-thing. it's not to be a puppy dog following loyally behind someone. you are meant to do great things. each girl is different. we all have our own calling on our lives.

whether that calling is to be a mother, a dentist, a businesswoman, a missionary, a teacher, a physicist, an oil-driller. whatever your calling is, do it with intention. do it to the best of your ability. grow. learn. be challenged. challenge yourself.

but do NOT ever think that your worth is dependent on someone else. there is no confidence in that. we were each uniquely created to be the person we are. don't let anyone take that away from you.

you are more than the clothes you wear. you are more than the boy you date. you are more than the money you have. you are more than the stereotypes set upon you by the world.

don't be a victim to the lie that the only thing that makes you worth anything is another human.

if you are a victim right now, find yourself out of it. it is that easy. don't let that hold you prisoner. take whatever is keeping you locked up and get rid of it. take whatever past you may have and tell yourself: 'that's what it is, my past. i want my present. and i want my future.'

here's a comment from don's post:

Eric says:

April 8, 2010 at 11:10 am

I think you are hitting it right. If girls act like they are worth nothing, that's what kind of man they are going to get- a man that can control his woman and keep her quiet. On the flip-side, men should not act so weak, pitiful, or indecisive. If a man is like this, they are looking for a mommy and not girlfriend or future wife. This is a man who needs to step up and be a man, but a man that is loving to his wife and respectful.



ladies. be the best you that you can be. because once you know who you are, you're ready to be a partner. not a victim. not a mommy-figure, not a daughter-figure. a partner.

that's where we can be worth it. worth the life we've been granted and worth the husband who wants a partner to be on this life adventure with.

you're worth that much.

(source)

*this is not meant to make you burn your bra, stop shaving your legs and start rallying for equality in the workplace. if you want to do that, go ahead. i'm only sharing my heart for the future of women's confidence. if this sparks a feminist rebellion in you... well, do what you want. and do it with intention.





(phil wickham- my desire)

come on baby, light my fire

so. as many of you know, i have a passion for writing to young ladies. for young ladies. about young ladies.

God has given me a fire, a desire, and words that i know He wants girls to hear. i just get to be the vessel for those words.

i'm beginning a transition into a new job. i'll be working for the baptist convention of md/de in the student evangelism department. as far as i can tell, this is the perfect time to start doing something i have felt called to do for years.

i feel like God has given me the door.

so, i'm going to start here.

i want this to be a place where girls can come to be inspired. to be refreshed. to learn about themselves. to learn about the person God has made them to be.

i want you to be able to share this with teen girls. college aged girls. girls in their twenties. women. females who have felt

small. unwanted. ugly. dumb. weak. unworthy.

this is a place where we're going to meet all of those feelings head-on. and we're going to kill those feelings.

and we're not going to let them back in.

ladies. i'm so excited to be starting this journey with you and for you.





(the doors- light my fire)